hiiiiiii

i just burned my tongue (on totino's party pizza, so i guess i deserve it.  can't even wait a full minute before that thing's out of the oven..."how do i get this goodness in me!")

i've been thinking about doing a little stunt blogging (e.g. julie whatsername cooking julia child's recipes), and i'd call it "if i were a _________."  here are some examples.

if i were a fashion blogger:

okay, so that isn't me, but it's a great pose and fashion statement.  i can always count on jim. seriously, though, sis and i were thinking about starting a blog photographing what we are actually wearing every day but doing all the fashion blog poses (feet turned in, sideways hairblowy looks, etc).  it'd be a really fun blog, promise.

if i were a food blogger:

(see above bit about burning my tongue and imagine i'd taken a shot of my food.)  (or imagine i posted some pictures of costco samples because that's what i had for lunch and it'd be kind of awkward to take pictures of that too.)

if i were a craft blogger: 

remember this guy? lovebot etsy shop anyone?

anyway, that test run didn't go very well so i'm not going to do that idea. you know what is cool though? how chuch helped me move. he came over, totally willing to carry loads of stuff down three flights of stairs, but then he had this crazy idea.  i was skeptical.

but then i was convinced.  i will never move without a pulley system again. thanks chuch.

closing time

i am becoming a web nerd.  nerd isn't really the right word because i'm not websmart, so revise: i am becoming a webophile.  i love the internets.  today i was thinking about how drastically twitter changed the game (a line of thought generated by the justin bieber movie never say never--don't hate till you've seen it) because it shifted the emphasis of communication from receiver to sender.  imagine if you could send a message without signifying an audience?  if the audience could come to you?  enter twitter and facebook statuses and BLOGS. 

that really has nothing to do with what i intended this post to be about, so to prep you, here's a summary of what is to come: i moved, i feel sad, i'm not really sure where i'll go next, all the songs on the radio as i drove away from provo were appropriately depressing (multiple stations playing "i hope you'll dance"--what better theme song for a crisis?), and on top of all that, i hit two hygiene lows today: i forgot my toothbrush etc at bro bro's house, and i forgot my towel at the ward swimming party, which necessitated drying off with paper towels. (edit: you know as well as i do these are not my hygiene lows, but no matter who you are or how dirty, forgetting your toothbrush is always a bust.)

i am sick of moving.  i don't care so much about the physical hassle; i just don't like having to leave people, especially since i know from so many parallel experiences that the closeness i cherish now will fade into the awkward grocery store aisle recognition of acquaintances who used to be friends.  isn't that sad?  people can't always mean what they once meant to us.  i find that terribly sad.  in this weird phase of life, the people i live with/near/etc are my family.  so when i move, i have to start over.  i look forward to changing place but not people.  i think that will be nice. 

i'd rather not grow up.  or, i guess growing up just hasn't been what i thought it would be.  grief is a kind of growing up, a getting kicked out of the nursery, a home you can't return to; and that was my first shock.  but provo, peter pan land, where you only really seem to grow up if you get married or move away, absorbed some of that shock.

i'm rambling, and lindsay isn't here to tell me it's never a good idea to blog when i'm tired, so i'll tell myself and stop with a toast to "all good leaps of faith must eventually touch ground again."

crises

remember when i used to live here (aka emeryville)

and how now i live here (aka provo)

but in the future i could live anywhere i want?

i've been thinking about that summer in emeryville a lot lately because i'm once again falling asleep to faint car rumblings through my open window and wondering if tomorrow will be the day i'll figure life out.  i'm spending most of my days in my pajamas scouring craigslist etc, tinkering with cover letters and resumes, asking myself again and again why someone should want to hire me.  (i'm always inclined to hire the other guy, but i've never been a good self-seller.)  i'm out of sync with the daily routine of most of my peers--no babies or husband to pace the way i use my time, no job to report to, no classes to attend.  this time of life always seems so ideal, but when you're in it, you can't escape the one major hitch: it's lonely outside when everyone else is in.

as kingfish and i drove from san antonio to slc, we had plenty of time to talk about the state of the universe, and when i was expressing my anxiety re: my current directionless state, kingfish said, "you always have these kinds of crises.  you are always at the point of reexamining everything you know and don't know and where you have been and where you are going.  everything is up for grabs, then you make a choice and move on."  hm.  disappointing to be so predictable to everyone else and so novel to myself, but crises, i suppose, are my guilty pleasure.  i'm always finding my way into them and managing to stay awhile before finding my way out. 

i'd like the world to have a mission statement, an expression of purpose, so i could know if i'm working for or against.  i'd like us all to acknowledge that we're part of a team and hang the world flag.  mission statements are what get me through my crises, and a mission statement might clarify some of the world's crises too. they're kind of like those totems in inception, and when up turns down it's nice to have a message from yourself reminding you what you're all about.

some words from obama

among the many interesting things i could post about (defending my thesis; making first time trips to canada, the northwest, and texas; recent discoveries and obsessions, some resulting from listening to 1776 and some resulting from more sleepless nights in the presence of kingfish; etc etc etc), i'm posting this video because i appreciate having a president who calls the media back to task. i realize that some of you likely see this video quite differently than me, and i'm interested in how it happens that when i see sincerity and leadership, others see gimmicks. is it because we've already decided our position before watching?  similarly, i'm wondering how so many people can still hold on to an issue that has factually been laid to rest.  how do we escape the limitations of our opinions--all of us? i'd really enjoy hearing any insights.