sometimes i feel like i don't get people. like, people in general and people in specific. like, every conversation, every interaction, every imagining of conversations and interactions that don't actually happen. sometimes i can't stop asking myself: should i have said something different? are we understanding each other? do the meanings i attach to my words survive the flight from my mouth to those ears?
i want so badly to get people. i want to know the right things to say. i want to catch the slight jokes and be able to tell when someone is laughing at me and when someone's not.
on the one hand, i think i shouldn't care so much. all this sideways glancing is juvenile or representative of insecurity. on the other hand, i think, what else matters?
doesn't it seem like it should be easier to understand creatures that are so like me?
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
PSA
i am just now about to go to bed because, among other things, i got distracted looking at my tongue in the mirror.
when was the last time you really examined your tongue? do yourself a favor, and find a mirror. soooo cool.
when was the last time you really examined your tongue? do yourself a favor, and find a mirror. soooo cool.
Monday, February 14, 2011
some things i love
valentine's day is a fave. i love hearts. i love love. i don't care if you have someone or not--it's a good holiday.
meet the love-bot. roommate erin and i made him yesterday because making a valentine's box is one of the best parts of valentine's day. (ps if you know where i live, feel free to bring love-bot some love to eat.)
i love this version of the song "fixed" (start at 3:05, or watch it all if you want.)
i love everything about this picture: the place, the matching jerseys, the intensity on rom's face and the happiness on chuch's.
i love being a woman with these women. i always looked forward to valentine's growing up because mom would write us love notes and sneak cummings chocolate treats into our lunchboxes. i have soooo many love notes from mom (and from sisters, for that matter.)
i love this love.
i love this version of the song "fixed" (start at 3:05, or watch it all if you want.)
Friday, February 11, 2011
dc pictures part II: monumentals
there are so many memorials and monuments in dc, it's almost like the present doesn't exist.
i experienced a major resurgence of patriotism while on vacay, mostly because i relearned that patriotism can be (and has been from this country's beginning) the defense of debate and compromise and "you're free to think what you want even if i don't agree with you." maybe it's my eyes, but i've been seeing patriotism as the troop trump card, or the justification to be boorish, or the obligation to not ask too many questions. and maybe it's my program, but cynical and jaded is the new idealistic, and enthusiasm is so naive.
can't we think critically without being grumps? isn't thinking critically being able to separate wonder and dull so that we can cling to the wings of one and flush the other?
i have this friend bob who is going to be an architect, and i'm pretty sure he'll be a good one because he gets what buildings do to us in a way i've never understood except when he explains it to me. i'm including some of our conversation about these monuments here.
B: "The assumption behind the neoclassical monument, and neoclassical architecture, is that the values embodied in that style are timeless, even eternal. Monuments before World War II tend to state clearly and forcefully "this is sacred," and "this is good." However, our society is conditioned by postmodernism to subvert and rethink all old values, we question the very idea of timelessness. For every person who is bold enough to say "this is good," there are five others who will say "no, the issue is not so simple." We can no longer expect universal expressions of the sacred and good to be so universal."
C: "Perhaps we aren't drawn to the neoclassical style because there is a right and wrong, but because we wish there were so badly. Lincoln, though full of moral resolve (it's amazing to read how certain he was that slavery was wrong), deserves memorializing partly because of how he managed an unclear course. What is more postmodern than civil war, or the fracturing of united states?"
B:"I think you are right about our reason for using the neoclassical style, that it lies in our aspirations more than our reality. For a long time the real natures of the men Lincoln, Washington, and Jefferson have been less relevant than the values people ascribe to them. Whether that is good or not is another matter, but it is those values we capture in monument. People can and do spend many thousands of pages debating whether the men themselves lived up to their legacy, but that debate presupposes the importance of the legacy. I would love to hear what they would say about their own monuments."
(i might have just included this snippet because bob said i was right, and bob is a smart guy, but so what if i did?)
these two memorials (korean war, fdr) are among my faves. they allow me to participate more in the meaning making part of memory.
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| capitol |
can't we think critically without being grumps? isn't thinking critically being able to separate wonder and dull so that we can cling to the wings of one and flush the other?
 |
| national archives |
 |
| washington |
 | |||||
| washington |
 |
| the lincoln |
C: "Perhaps we aren't drawn to the neoclassical style because there is a right and wrong, but because we wish there were so badly. Lincoln, though full of moral resolve (it's amazing to read how certain he was that slavery was wrong), deserves memorializing partly because of how he managed an unclear course. What is more postmodern than civil war, or the fracturing of united states?"
B:"I think you are right about our reason for using the neoclassical style, that it lies in our aspirations more than our reality. For a long time the real natures of the men Lincoln, Washington, and Jefferson have been less relevant than the values people ascribe to them. Whether that is good or not is another matter, but it is those values we capture in monument. People can and do spend many thousands of pages debating whether the men themselves lived up to their legacy, but that debate presupposes the importance of the legacy. I would love to hear what they would say about their own monuments."
(i might have just included this snippet because bob said i was right, and bob is a smart guy, but so what if i did?)
 |
| jefferson |
 |
| washington to capitol |
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| korean war |
 |
| fdr; "i hate war" |
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
dc pictures part I: traveling alone
i'd like to say that i default to the self-portrait only when no one else is around, but that isn't really true. self-portraits have become the family way, and as my daddy always taught me, the self-portrait is an art.
here are a few classic marv self-portraits (there were actually SO many, I couldn't resist posting a few):
i've included a few gems of my own, along with some pointers for the perfect self-portrait.
1. be sure to put your head right in front of the thing you are photographing, ie the capitol.
2. self-portraits are ideal for already weird pictures. (did you know we have something like 96% genetic similarity to chimps?) also, try to disguise your reaching arm.
3. again with the face right in front of the capitol. also, try to make really inconspicuous non-photo faces to ease the awkwardness of other people observing you taking pictures of yourself.
4. ummmmmmm winner.
and some of the non-solo self-portraits:
check out lj's hair. and don't worry, there are more where those came from. way more.
ps after looking at my dad's pictures, and then mine again, i started feeling a little egotistical. i mean, look at the relative size of marv in those pics. and can't we stand to not be in a picture every once in a while?
nope. guess not.
here are a few classic marv self-portraits (there were actually SO many, I couldn't resist posting a few):
i've included a few gems of my own, along with some pointers for the perfect self-portrait.
and some of the non-solo self-portraits:
ps after looking at my dad's pictures, and then mine again, i started feeling a little egotistical. i mean, look at the relative size of marv in those pics. and can't we stand to not be in a picture every once in a while?
nope. guess not.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
on visiting dc again, having come here with family
my feet steer me through the shadows of earlier lives.
so many dreams of things that were or things that cannot be. i wake up in mourning.
the missing always finds a way in.
sitting alone at the base of a monumental pillar, i am convinced: come here to remember: we all have things we should not have forgotten: remembering and forgetting are choosing which shadows to wade through today.
so many dreams of things that were or things that cannot be. i wake up in mourning.
the missing always finds a way in.
sitting alone at the base of a monumental pillar, i am convinced: come here to remember: we all have things we should not have forgotten: remembering and forgetting are choosing which shadows to wade through today.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
more news from dc
1. the automatic toilet flushed three times while i was using it. i call that flawed technology.
2. the man sitting behind me in the conference had "where are we going?" written in ballpoint on the sole of his all-stars. ahhhhhh, it's so nice to be back among my people.
3. why don't we all build more monuments? and more neoclassical structures? (of course, scale can be adjusted according to monies and land holdings.)
4. on account of the state of the union and president obama issuing a challenge to be more innovative, i have started inventing more things. if i was smart enough, i'd begin with a new automatic flushing toilet, but since i'm not, i've gone back to the drawing board on my split personality washing machine. i am also starting a new blog. stay tuned.
2. the man sitting behind me in the conference had "where are we going?" written in ballpoint on the sole of his all-stars. ahhhhhh, it's so nice to be back among my people.
3. why don't we all build more monuments? and more neoclassical structures? (of course, scale can be adjusted according to monies and land holdings.)
4. on account of the state of the union and president obama issuing a challenge to be more innovative, i have started inventing more things. if i was smart enough, i'd begin with a new automatic flushing toilet, but since i'm not, i've gone back to the drawing board on my split personality washing machine. i am also starting a new blog. stay tuned.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
there's nothing you can't do
i'm in dc. i really like dc.
today i was stopped by the greenpeace guy with this line: "you look like an environmentalist." interesting pitch. initially i was flattered. ("why, yes, i am--how could you tell?! was it my reusable grocery bags or my outdoorsy clothing or the fact that i have jessie spano hair?") then i decided i shouldn't be flattered (i didn't have any grocery bags or outdoorsy clothing on, which leaves the hair, and that's not awesome.) i considered that what he might have meant was, "you look like someone who a) could be poor but passionate or b) poor but a pushover or c) healthy in the funds and looking for a cause." there are probably other options, but i'm sticking with those.
c is out. a is out. b is true, which is why i listened to his schpiel and offered ten dollars but he said ten wasn't enough; fifteen is the going rate for low-end world savers and that's not even a dollar a day if you think about it. that's when it occurred to me that he was talking monthly donations. shoot. i do my best to avoid anything that requires a monthly payment. keeps me young.
when i walked away, i heard him stomp his foot and groan at his fellow greenpeacer. he was probably thinking, i was THIS close to making commission. tip: do not tell someone who gives money that they aren't giving enough. widow's mite and all.
i told you that pretty boring story because i haven't uploaded any of my pictures yet, but soon enough i'll let boring pictures speak for themselves. every time i take a picture on this trip, i think, man, what a lame picture. but "i can't help myself."
last thoughts:
1. provo is sooooo white. (no offense.)
2. i told sister that it was unsettling how clean dc was after being in nyc, and she said, no, it is unsettling how dirty nyc is. i thought that was a good point.
3. i am proud to be an american where the best museums are free.
4. my trip isn't boring. just my pictures.
today i was stopped by the greenpeace guy with this line: "you look like an environmentalist." interesting pitch. initially i was flattered. ("why, yes, i am--how could you tell?! was it my reusable grocery bags or my outdoorsy clothing or the fact that i have jessie spano hair?") then i decided i shouldn't be flattered (i didn't have any grocery bags or outdoorsy clothing on, which leaves the hair, and that's not awesome.) i considered that what he might have meant was, "you look like someone who a) could be poor but passionate or b) poor but a pushover or c) healthy in the funds and looking for a cause." there are probably other options, but i'm sticking with those.
c is out. a is out. b is true, which is why i listened to his schpiel and offered ten dollars but he said ten wasn't enough; fifteen is the going rate for low-end world savers and that's not even a dollar a day if you think about it. that's when it occurred to me that he was talking monthly donations. shoot. i do my best to avoid anything that requires a monthly payment. keeps me young.
when i walked away, i heard him stomp his foot and groan at his fellow greenpeacer. he was probably thinking, i was THIS close to making commission. tip: do not tell someone who gives money that they aren't giving enough. widow's mite and all.
i told you that pretty boring story because i haven't uploaded any of my pictures yet, but soon enough i'll let boring pictures speak for themselves. every time i take a picture on this trip, i think, man, what a lame picture. but "i can't help myself."
last thoughts:
1. provo is sooooo white. (no offense.)
2. i told sister that it was unsettling how clean dc was after being in nyc, and she said, no, it is unsettling how dirty nyc is. i thought that was a good point.
3. i am proud to be an american where the best museums are free.
4. my trip isn't boring. just my pictures.
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