for now we see through a glass, darkly

i am grateful for day after day after day after day. i bet i could trick myself into seeing a fresh start every five minutes, but something about going to sleep in the black and waking up with new light makes it easier to begin again.

i am grateful that even when i make the same mistake forty-seven days in a row, there is always the chance that day forty-eight will be a different story. and if day forty-eight isn't my day, maybe day seventy-three will be.

i trade off between finding this whole setup of life a little monotonous (there's never anything but days and nights; have you noticed? nothing else in the mix) and absolutely soul calming. when you are trying to change something as unwieldy as my heart, day after day after day after day is exactly what you need. and when i go to bed at night, i say, "tomorrow. you and me, heart. we're going at it again."

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For inspiration:

"But life is not all eloquence and adulation: life is wiping the baby's bum; it is a bad case of croup; it is quarrels with one's spouse; it is disappointment, distraction, indignities by the dozen; it is the death of friends, wife, son, and brothers, carried off like fluff in the wind; it is alien evenings, cold stairwells, frosty sheets, lack of love; for what does the great spirit need that touches the body but the touch of the body as the oratory needs silence, and revolution peace? We are nourished by our absences and opposites; contraries quench our thirsts.
--
To be--don't we know by now?--is to burst with energy and enterprise like a hive of bees. It is to draw from just that daily drudgery, which you contend has betrayed your genius, all its sap and substance--siphon it dry--and seed new sentences with life. Begin again. Oblivion is miles away and only moments off. Begin."
-William Gass, "Emerson and the Essay"