because i'm going out of town from the internet for a while

sometimes i don't have anything to say. amendment: sometimes i don't have anything meaningful to say. where do the words go, and how do they talk the ideas into ditching with them?

sometimes i worry about not having anything to say. (yes, L, me too. all the time.) of course, worrying is pretty par for the "me" course. i am constantly worrying about getting dumber, less funny, more boring, less with it, slower at nertz--basically, i worry i'm losing my edge. an edge is an edge no matter how dull and i'd like to preserve mine. (i guess an edge actually stops being an edge at some point of dullness, right?)

i think this kind of worrying is patriotic. it means i'm relating to the current cultural moment of crisis: is america losing its edge? are we slipping behind?

don't hate me, but i'm not convinced that america needs to stay the superduper power. there are lots of countries that aren't the superduper power, and they do all right. in fact, by many counts, they are happier in those countries than we are here. maybe being unhappy keeps us on the edge. being unhappy could be the mother of invention.

so while worrying about having nothing meaningful to say stresses me out (the stress is compounded, given that success in my near future depends on my capacity to have meaningful things to say), --- SEE! proof. i forgot where that sentence was supposed to go. read it again; it'll leave you hanging (not in a Jack Bauer way but in a grammatical way). that sentence was supposed to be the resolution of this post, the "it's okay that i'm losing my edge because i've still got my teeth" finish!

america, i'm sorry i've let you down.