Practice

It's been a long day. Turns out, some aspects of not working are harder than working (though leave it to me to find the rub in my idyllic situation, regular old debbie downer). I didn't realize how much I relied on my job and its paycheck and routine time commitment to validate my days, and now I am constantly trying to figure out the worth of my work. My work. What I do to fill my time when the entire day is mine.

For the few of you still reading this blog (yay, Amanda!), you've probably noticed a drastic upswing in posts. That's me trying to find my writing voice again, in addition to slugging it out on the page. It is so so so hard. Unexpectedly hard. Want to quit hard. Nothing comes easily; everything is second-guessed. So I'm just coming back to this place again and again, hoping that hard won't last forever or that enough lovely and light will happen to make the hard worth it.

This sums up the day:

“Sometimes I think it’s harder for me to be transparent to myself than to appear so to the reader.”  

--Nancy K. Miller

Amen and amen.