sharing

i moved. and i now ride public transportation to work. (helloooo i have a job what?) these two facts mean that i consume more and different types of media than i have been consuming for the last three years of schooling. ahhhh fiction. guiltless reading. it's so nice to be back.

this first book isn't fiction, but it made me cry pretty much every single page. i do not cry when i read. in fact, i can't remember the last time a book made me cry. this book...there is something about it. it is a compilation of interview excerpts, except these are ordinary people being interviewed by people who love them. i now have my eye on a digital recorder, and i may be asking some of you for interviews. stories are power. joan didion said, "we tell ourselves stories in order to live," and my goodness, i agree. read it. or don't read it and tell a few more stories (and check out this site.)

i've also been reading this, and as usual, jane austen's lessons stand the test of time. take care with your muslin and try to avoid foolish and false friends.

being totally honest, for the first time, i think i liked the movie better.

finally, i've been watching the les miserables 25th anniversary edition with sis. i love enjolras even more than mr. tilney. something about this music gets me--what a story! i tuck these bits into that part of my heart that i'm counting on to get me through the courage-needing times.
check enjolras out.


"stars"


"bring him home"


"one day more" w/original cast


ahhhh. i'm sorry for posting so many vids, but hey, you don't have to watch them.

forgive me for i wrote this at 6 in the am.

sometimes my brain hooks a brothah (sistah) up.

so many nights i have really weird dreams that leave me feeling a little bit off when i wake up. last night, i had a really weird dream but it was totally awesome.

picture this: i'm riding up a ski lift in whistler, b.c. and next thing i know i'm in a helicopter flying over epic mountain ranges. i say, "you know what this reminds me of? duuuuuhhhhh duh duh duuuuuuuuhhhhh duh duh duuuuuuhhhhhhhh," which is obviously one of the themes from lord of the rings, and immediately the helicopter banks and lands and suddenly i'm in new zealand with peter jackson touring the lord of the rings sites.

not that this dream was without major weirdness (eg a harry potter life size diorama instead of edoras), but it was mostly awesome.

proud to be a nerd.

the drive home

remember that episode of flight of the conchords where murray tells brett and jermaine that the city is too dangerous and brett wears that reflective safety vest and they get mugged despite the vest and the hiphopapotamus rap (ain't no party like my grandma's tea party; hey, ho), and brett's camera phone that's really a camera taped to a phone get's stolen?  well, my car is kind of like that camera phone except it's like a boat taped to a wind tunnel* (boat on account of the engine that gurgles and idols, wind tunnel on account of the several doors and sunroof that don't properly close, tape on account of the whole thing barely hanging together.  boat also on account of the water that gets in the car when it rains because of those doors and sunroof, and both boat and wind tunnel on account of the sheer monstrosity.)  because my car is like a boatwindtunneltape mess, i have to listen to my radio really loud.  so loud that by the time i got home tonight, my neck hurt.  it's like i need earplugs to hear my music, and "that don't make no sense."

the radio was sooo lame tonight.  nothing good.  the weird thing is that even after the forty minutes it took me to get home, i was still looking forward to every new song on every single station.  each time the song changed, it could have been the one.  it never was.  (okay, it was one time--more on that later.)  while i was flipping between really loud bits of really lame songs, i was contemplating a few things i could post on this blog.  many times i have nothing to say, but a few rare times i have to fight with myself over what to post.  should i post the top ten reasons why i wouldn't take myself on a second date or should i post the three songs i wish i would have heard on the radio?  luckily, the long drive gave me plenty of time to talk myself out of the top ten list as this blog is a major source of date revenue.  i'd be shooting myself in the foot.

and i was spared from posting the three songs i wished i would have heard by hearing the one song that was exactly what i wanted, which i will post below with clues for the tickling of your ears.



2:38--the riff on the hey jude bit

3:01-3:08--this is as close as i come to screamy music

3:58--hey judey judey judey judey judey

some people think the beatles are no good, and they're wrong.  that's all.  their name is a little silly, or i probably would have thought it was silly back in the day if i hadn't been in love with the guys.  "oneders.  like 1-ders."  "yeah i get it. still looks like oh-knee-ders."

*i have to admit that i don't know what a wind tunnel actually is or how big they run because brendan might read this and he probably knows and would want to correct me.  also, i'm grateful to have transportation even if it is consigning me to environmentalist hell.  that really is all.

hiiiiiii

i just burned my tongue (on totino's party pizza, so i guess i deserve it.  can't even wait a full minute before that thing's out of the oven..."how do i get this goodness in me!")

i've been thinking about doing a little stunt blogging (e.g. julie whatsername cooking julia child's recipes), and i'd call it "if i were a _________."  here are some examples.

if i were a fashion blogger:

okay, so that isn't me, but it's a great pose and fashion statement.  i can always count on jim. seriously, though, sis and i were thinking about starting a blog photographing what we are actually wearing every day but doing all the fashion blog poses (feet turned in, sideways hairblowy looks, etc).  it'd be a really fun blog, promise.

if i were a food blogger:

(see above bit about burning my tongue and imagine i'd taken a shot of my food.)  (or imagine i posted some pictures of costco samples because that's what i had for lunch and it'd be kind of awkward to take pictures of that too.)

if i were a craft blogger: 

remember this guy? lovebot etsy shop anyone?

anyway, that test run didn't go very well so i'm not going to do that idea. you know what is cool though? how chuch helped me move. he came over, totally willing to carry loads of stuff down three flights of stairs, but then he had this crazy idea.  i was skeptical.

but then i was convinced.  i will never move without a pulley system again. thanks chuch.

closing time

i am becoming a web nerd.  nerd isn't really the right word because i'm not websmart, so revise: i am becoming a webophile.  i love the internets.  today i was thinking about how drastically twitter changed the game (a line of thought generated by the justin bieber movie never say never--don't hate till you've seen it) because it shifted the emphasis of communication from receiver to sender.  imagine if you could send a message without signifying an audience?  if the audience could come to you?  enter twitter and facebook statuses and BLOGS. 

that really has nothing to do with what i intended this post to be about, so to prep you, here's a summary of what is to come: i moved, i feel sad, i'm not really sure where i'll go next, all the songs on the radio as i drove away from provo were appropriately depressing (multiple stations playing "i hope you'll dance"--what better theme song for a crisis?), and on top of all that, i hit two hygiene lows today: i forgot my toothbrush etc at bro bro's house, and i forgot my towel at the ward swimming party, which necessitated drying off with paper towels. (edit: you know as well as i do these are not my hygiene lows, but no matter who you are or how dirty, forgetting your toothbrush is always a bust.)

i am sick of moving.  i don't care so much about the physical hassle; i just don't like having to leave people, especially since i know from so many parallel experiences that the closeness i cherish now will fade into the awkward grocery store aisle recognition of acquaintances who used to be friends.  isn't that sad?  people can't always mean what they once meant to us.  i find that terribly sad.  in this weird phase of life, the people i live with/near/etc are my family.  so when i move, i have to start over.  i look forward to changing place but not people.  i think that will be nice. 

i'd rather not grow up.  or, i guess growing up just hasn't been what i thought it would be.  grief is a kind of growing up, a getting kicked out of the nursery, a home you can't return to; and that was my first shock.  but provo, peter pan land, where you only really seem to grow up if you get married or move away, absorbed some of that shock.

i'm rambling, and lindsay isn't here to tell me it's never a good idea to blog when i'm tired, so i'll tell myself and stop with a toast to "all good leaps of faith must eventually touch ground again."

crises

remember when i used to live here (aka emeryville)

and how now i live here (aka provo)

but in the future i could live anywhere i want?

i've been thinking about that summer in emeryville a lot lately because i'm once again falling asleep to faint car rumblings through my open window and wondering if tomorrow will be the day i'll figure life out.  i'm spending most of my days in my pajamas scouring craigslist etc, tinkering with cover letters and resumes, asking myself again and again why someone should want to hire me.  (i'm always inclined to hire the other guy, but i've never been a good self-seller.)  i'm out of sync with the daily routine of most of my peers--no babies or husband to pace the way i use my time, no job to report to, no classes to attend.  this time of life always seems so ideal, but when you're in it, you can't escape the one major hitch: it's lonely outside when everyone else is in.

as kingfish and i drove from san antonio to slc, we had plenty of time to talk about the state of the universe, and when i was expressing my anxiety re: my current directionless state, kingfish said, "you always have these kinds of crises.  you are always at the point of reexamining everything you know and don't know and where you have been and where you are going.  everything is up for grabs, then you make a choice and move on."  hm.  disappointing to be so predictable to everyone else and so novel to myself, but crises, i suppose, are my guilty pleasure.  i'm always finding my way into them and managing to stay awhile before finding my way out. 

i'd like the world to have a mission statement, an expression of purpose, so i could know if i'm working for or against.  i'd like us all to acknowledge that we're part of a team and hang the world flag.  mission statements are what get me through my crises, and a mission statement might clarify some of the world's crises too. they're kind of like those totems in inception, and when up turns down it's nice to have a message from yourself reminding you what you're all about.

some words from obama

among the many interesting things i could post about (defending my thesis; making first time trips to canada, the northwest, and texas; recent discoveries and obsessions, some resulting from listening to 1776 and some resulting from more sleepless nights in the presence of kingfish; etc etc etc), i'm posting this video because i appreciate having a president who calls the media back to task. i realize that some of you likely see this video quite differently than me, and i'm interested in how it happens that when i see sincerity and leadership, others see gimmicks. is it because we've already decided our position before watching?  similarly, i'm wondering how so many people can still hold on to an issue that has factually been laid to rest.  how do we escape the limitations of our opinions--all of us? i'd really enjoy hearing any insights.