Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
and i caaan't get you outta my mind
i can't stop thinking about this guy
and these girls (and their dresses)
and this lady.
i. am. hooked. and it's getting bad. rivaling, even, the time i read that one cooking blog so much that i started having dreams about the weekends i spent at the author's ranch. plain old creepy.
p.s. can you place my title? sis? amanda? anybody?
and these girls (and their dresses)
and this lady.
i. am. hooked. and it's getting bad. rivaling, even, the time i read that one cooking blog so much that i started having dreams about the weekends i spent at the author's ranch. plain old creepy.
p.s. can you place my title? sis? amanda? anybody?
Sunday, May 27, 2012
when the big winds come i don't want to blow away
today, because i just spent 20 minutes too long looking at people's holiday weekend vacation pictures on facebook, i am thinking about substance and weight, and why, after only 20 minutes, i feel less than before.
before i go any further (farther?), let's be clear about one thing. the problem isn't facebook or pintrest or twitter or blogs. the problem is that i haven't found a way to come out of these specific internets right side up and sure of who i am.
i wish it wasn't so tempting to be paper thin, and i don't just mean physically. i mean the rewards for substance can be hard to find, which i guess is the point. if it weren't so tempting, life would be easy, and i would get what i thought i wanted by default.
life wears on me and i start to give in, start to drift, start to fade and lift. then i say a small NO and the word drops like a rock in my pocket, bringing me that much closer to the ground.
i will be me.
and if words aren't your thing, this song describes how i feel about it.
before i go any further (farther?), let's be clear about one thing. the problem isn't facebook or pintrest or twitter or blogs. the problem is that i haven't found a way to come out of these specific internets right side up and sure of who i am.
i wish it wasn't so tempting to be paper thin, and i don't just mean physically. i mean the rewards for substance can be hard to find, which i guess is the point. if it weren't so tempting, life would be easy, and i would get what i thought i wanted by default.
life wears on me and i start to give in, start to drift, start to fade and lift. then i say a small NO and the word drops like a rock in my pocket, bringing me that much closer to the ground.
i will be me.
and if words aren't your thing, this song describes how i feel about it.
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Friday, May 18, 2012
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
how i'd like to be rememebered
i read this in the obituary for my dad's aunt:
"She will be remembered as an elegant woman of great grace and civility who had a gift of appreciating and lifting others. She leaves a legacy of faith and testimony that will be an overarching influence to continually bless her posterity throughout their lives."
isn't that very nice? wouldn't you like to leave on that note?
"She will be remembered as an elegant woman of great grace and civility who had a gift of appreciating and lifting others. She leaves a legacy of faith and testimony that will be an overarching influence to continually bless her posterity throughout their lives."
isn't that very nice? wouldn't you like to leave on that note?
Thursday, April 19, 2012
neither here nor there
you know what the awesome thing is? i'm happy. this is especially awesome because life is never what you (i) want it to be, and i'm happy anyway.
have you ever been the kind of happy that you don't know where it comes from? that's how i am, and even though i know where it comes from (God is goodness and goodness is all around), it feels mysterious and miraculous anyway because i don't understand how and when it gets inside me. it's not while i sleep because i wake up grumpy and gruntled (i'm using this word incorrectly in protest because it should not mean what it means) from chronic bad dreams. it's not while i'm in the shower singing 90s songs that weirdly come to mind every morning. it could be (depending on the day) while i'm crushing fruit in my new blender (today, i had a delirious thought that i would come home and cook frozen chicken in my blender. obviously, i really look up to that blender.) but somehow, the happy sneaks in and i laugh out loud while i'm driving to work even though i'm tired and worried about the people i love and wondering about the people who love me.
when mom died, i just didn't think i could be happy during sad. i didn't think the resurrection was for now. i didn't think spring could be my season, but every year i melt a little more and this year i felt downright puddly. it is so nice that i don't get to only be blessed by things i understand.
for most of my life, "happy" has not been one of the first words people have used to describe me. ("you mean that happy child?" "that's no happy child--that's SID!") i've spent a ridiculous amount of time trying to figure out if i could become authentically "sweet" having been born a cynic, and i've concluded that i can't. jello can never be creme brulee (that's for you sis). lizzie can never be jane.
but happy is for all of us. this i believe.
i am so young in front of my life, which, though it is one of the reasons for being happy, reminds me often that i don't know it all or even most of it. i really want you to know that i believe in unhappy as a valid season of life. i'm just grateful for the springs too. i can't see down my path, but looking around me, chances are high that there will be rises and falls. i hope this happy will come with me.
have you ever been the kind of happy that you don't know where it comes from? that's how i am, and even though i know where it comes from (God is goodness and goodness is all around), it feels mysterious and miraculous anyway because i don't understand how and when it gets inside me. it's not while i sleep because i wake up grumpy and gruntled (i'm using this word incorrectly in protest because it should not mean what it means) from chronic bad dreams. it's not while i'm in the shower singing 90s songs that weirdly come to mind every morning. it could be (depending on the day) while i'm crushing fruit in my new blender (today, i had a delirious thought that i would come home and cook frozen chicken in my blender. obviously, i really look up to that blender.) but somehow, the happy sneaks in and i laugh out loud while i'm driving to work even though i'm tired and worried about the people i love and wondering about the people who love me.
when mom died, i just didn't think i could be happy during sad. i didn't think the resurrection was for now. i didn't think spring could be my season, but every year i melt a little more and this year i felt downright puddly. it is so nice that i don't get to only be blessed by things i understand.
for most of my life, "happy" has not been one of the first words people have used to describe me. ("you mean that happy child?" "that's no happy child--that's SID!") i've spent a ridiculous amount of time trying to figure out if i could become authentically "sweet" having been born a cynic, and i've concluded that i can't. jello can never be creme brulee (that's for you sis). lizzie can never be jane.
but happy is for all of us. this i believe.
i am so young in front of my life, which, though it is one of the reasons for being happy, reminds me often that i don't know it all or even most of it. i really want you to know that i believe in unhappy as a valid season of life. i'm just grateful for the springs too. i can't see down my path, but looking around me, chances are high that there will be rises and falls. i hope this happy will come with me.
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