Ah! Christmas

Well, that's my dad, and what a guy! I am sorry for the Christmas season culmination to be so near, because that only means it will soon be a whole year before it comes again. What logic. I do feel like the year cycle is oblong rather than circular, as though our lives orbit around the holidays, speeding up as we get closer, then slowing and practically creeping by until we round the corner and hurtle towards year-end again.

How amazing also that I go through the same experience every year: blissfully anticipating Christmas, regretting the season for not enjoying it more, and mourning Christmas once it is passed. Every year. It simply does not do to reason with myself--it makes no difference that it will come again. It does not soothe that it has come before. Each goodbye is painful and bittersweet. What an interesting system of time we have created, marking our lives into a whole spectrum of measurements. Minutes, months, pay periods... All about how we cannot stop or alter the push of time on our backs--we can only name it. Wouldn't it be fascinating if life could be lived in multiple directions, if we could be queens instead of pawns? But that would teach nothing about loss or letting go or confusion or patience or change. So I accept your conditions, life. Please only play fair.